I received a text from a friend that I’ve loved [as in LOVE love. That crazy love where you move mountains just to see them. -well, loved him on & off throughout the years] today. It was so sweet & I thought to myself; why can’t he just see how much I love him? Why can’t we just be together? Why why why.
It’s a cycle. A new love interest comes in his life & it stings; it shatters my hope. I cry a little, feel sorry for myself for one or two days & then accept it all over again. I don’t know how it’s possible to be this way, but I am. I’m not as crazy about him as I used to be [at least I’ve convinced myself I’m not].
It’s kind of sad, to be honest. I try to remember what my feelings felt like & I can’t totally recall them anymore. I don’t want to read stuff I wrote when I was high on the possibility [more like THOUGHT/wish] of one day ending up with him. -It’ll just depress me. It was nice though. To be so loving like that.
My only regret is not telling him when I felt it. When I felt like I was going to pop from holding all my love inside. Squishing, twirling it all inside me. Now what good did that do? Keeping it all to myself? -not a damn thing. It’s been said time & time again; but.. if you love someone & can’t live w/out them, you gotta tell them.
Now; I’m just awaiting the next cycle where I fall head over heels for him again. Cause I know it’s bound to happen. -Maybe next time; I’ll be more mature & confess. & then make out like teenagers.
In the meanwhile, I’ll just.. be. Keep learning about myself, the world.